NCS

Good day. My name is Alexis Chankov. Today, we will be following ze man responsible for the corruption of so many, Neal Caffrey. He-


*jumps in through window, waves* Hi! I just found out that White Collar comes back on January 18th! (Hallelujah chorus) I'm so excited! It's soooo long away though, 79 days! Maybe I should watch all the episodes again. I miss Neal Caffrey! The guy hasn't been here in forever, and it's very sad. *sniffling, slowly deteriorates into hysterical sobbing/laughter* Remember when we-

You see, here we have the corruption. Zo, she was not sane in the first place. *gently shoves into a locked room* As I was saying, today we are taking a tour around New York to follow Neal Caffrey. However, we are not... technically supposed to be here. So, we will have to stay far away and guess what they are saying. Pleez follow me.

Oh, look, there he eez now! We will be using our special magnifying binoculars. Everyone take a pair. Okay, okay, everyone got one? Up ahead we have ze Neal Caffrey wiz some of his friends.



Oh, look how happy zey are! Zey sing ze "YMCA" song oh so cheerfully. Great stuff, zat is. Who is zat random man being ze "Y?" I don't know. But let's keep following Neal.

(To tour group) One zing you must know about Neal Caffrey: He luffs watermelon. Reely, he can't get enough of it. Sometimes, his friends breeng him some. I vill tell you story of when zis happened.

One day, he got a text saying zat someone in ze cast had brought watermelon for everyone to share.



"O, really?" He replied. "Sweet!" He hastened to the set to get some.

But... when he got there, zere was no watermelon left. Tragedy!



"What? Who would eat my watermelon? Everyone knows I luff it!"

Poor Neal.

"Who took my watermelon?" He wondered sadly.

He and hees friend Mozzie went exploring to find out.

"Was it Peter?" Asked Neal, staring at ze back of the agent's head suspiciously.



No, Neal, it wasn't Peter. Eet was zis preety lady. Don't be fooled by her innocent expression.



"Haha, no, you're wrong," protested Neal. "Alex Hunter is my friend. She wouldn't eat my watermelon."

But he went to ask her anyway.



"Alex," he began, a little nervous.

"Yes, Neal?" She replied, smiling oh so sweetly.

"You see this?" He asked, holding eet up.

"Yes," she said, looking at him like he was crazy.

"Did you eat all of the watermelon?" He questioned, his heart sad at ze lack of the delicious fruit.

"I did," Alex said, looking sorry. "I didn't realize it was for you."

Neal forgave her, but he sat down sadly in his chair, far away.



"What is life without watermelon?" He sighed sadly to heemself.

Never fear, Neal!



"Actually, Neal," said Mozzie, "I still have one slice left for you."

"Really?" Neal asked, his face lighting up. "Thank you!"



"Mmmm!" Exclaimed Neal. "This is soooo yummy!"

Later, Neal thanked Mozzie.



"Mozzie, take this lime flavored lollipop as a token of my appreciation of you!!"

And all was right in ze world.

Now, let's continue on our adventure. I zink Neal has gone to a hotel room for ze night, I should have my x-ray binoculars somewhere heer...



"Excuse me, Miss Chankov, we're here to pick you up on stalking charges. Please come with us."

...crap... *starts running*

That concludes our study of Neal Caffrey for the day! Remember, resist the corruption! *Mad cackle*

Delerium.

My mind is not functioning properly.

Yes, yes, I know what you're asking. "Really? Does it ever?"

As a matter of fact, it does function properly on occasion. Just not necessarily in a normal fasion. Facion. Fasoin. Fascion. Fashion. Thank you. Alright. That thing. Fashion. See, case in point.

The English language is so dang inconsistent! I mean, really! In Spanish, if you know what sounds the letters make, you can sound out any word because it's always the same! Grrr... Stupid english.

But anyway. I've been up since five and I went to bed last night a little after twelve. Good times. (But 27 got even less sleep!)

I went to the Homecoming football game.

The beginning, anyway.

I almost fell off the bleachers, and everyone around me was taller. Even the people who were standing (we were all standing) on the bleachers ahead, several inches below. So I was in a weird little box. It was odd. I couldn't really see. But I sort of understand football, so that's good! And we revisited the site of my... accident... And it was incredibly loud at the game. Incredibly. They handed out these weirdie noisemaker thingies and everyone was screaming and cheering and I honestly couldn't even hear myself think. If I was thinking in the first place. My head, predictably, started to protest quite strongly. And luckily 27 is better at decision making and so we went to her house to watch Ocean's Twelve.



Yeah! George Clooney and Matt Damon and Brad Pitt in his awesome younger days!

But sad day, we didn't actually end up watching it.

It was still fun though. Playing at 27's house late at night is mashed potatoes!

Very, very entertaining. And they fed me good food, which is also quite a plus. Good food is good. Very good.

Anyhow, we entertained ourselves for quite some time and then I came home, which is where I am now. In my wonderful, swively chair.

Before I sat in my wonderful swively chair, though, I had to preform the customary "my siblings are having sleepovers with their friends, I must go bother them!" routine. The older two were lucky enough to be first. My sister highly objected to my presence and she opened a pen to prove it. The ink spurted all over me and my arms are now blue.

Another example of delirium: When you look down at blue stuff smeared all over your arms and have forgotten why you were going to wash it off, so you lick it to test.

My tongue is also blue. And it won't come off.

Back to home.

The younger two were next. I spoke to them for a moment and then went to half-heartedly attempt to remove the blue again. On my way back, I was informed by a higher power that the children needed to lower their volume. The older girls consented. The younger girls... Were less than thrilled.

Wiiide awake there.

"PLEASE don't make us be quiet!"

"I can't possibly sleep, how could I sleep?"

"Can't we go play upstairs or something?"

"PLEAAASE?"

So, I did what any rational being would do. I sat on the foot of their bed and made up a story.

What a wonderful story it was.

There was a kid named Joshua. Joshua Perkins. He was eleven (gotta play to the audience you have) with black hair and blue eyes and palish skin. He lived in Iowa. He lived on a farm in Iowa, so he had to get up early to wait for the bus. One morning, he got up like he always did, but this morning was special. It was the first morning of sixth grade. He stood by the bus stop and waited, until a pair of headlights came toward him...
Long story short, it turns out to be a freakin' awesome alien ship full of really small aliens with huge, pointy ears and white hair called the Jang. They need his help. So he is pressed into helping them, 'cause they're the last of their kind that hasn't been destroyed by the evil alien Zarr. Joshua goes with them to the planet and they exploit weaknesses to get rid of all the enemy ships except Zarr's. Somehow, Joshua sneaks on board and the guards can't see him. He confronts Zarr and accidentally bumps a button that calls up the portal to send Zarr and his ship back to their dimension.
Joshua barely gets away in time to see them be sent through.
The Jang thank him and take him home, where he arrives somehow just in time for the bus.

Of course, the whole thing was told in a very choppy, long-winded form like the beginning paragraph. It was about a half hour long and they were fast asleep by the time it was over. But I finished it anyway. It was strange. But I was really out of it, so I just kept going even though it was cliché and ... special. So that was interesting.

And then I went into my room and opened my computer and saw new pictures of Matt Bomer on his website!

That's not one of the new ones, but it's super nice anyway. The new ones are amaazing!

...but that's a story for another day.

I think I'd better get some sleep, or at least breathe deeply. Good night.

Discombobulated.

Life is full of confusion for... uhm.... people like me.

For instance, LA is not, in fact, in Florida, as I found out sometime last year. Good times there. Ah, how the children laughed with me in celebration of my discovery.

Another common misconception is that "making up" is what you do when you fight with a friend (it was a pretend fight, granted). However, when you use this phrase, your friend may, in fact, whack you and say that's gross. Because, apparently, "making up" is what couples do. Another revelation!

Also, it is not a good idea to tell people outside of your close circle of friends that you named the pole you eat next to (Jaques) or the filing cabinet in your Sunday School room (George). They will then proceed to flatter you by imitation, skipping gleefully around the nearest pole and proclaiming their love for it. Such lovely days.

Today, I learned something new. DIY is not meant to be said "dee." It actually stands for something. Is that not completely insane? In any case, it apparently means "do it yourself." Why they do not just say that, I will never know.

And I learned that discombobulated is actually a real word. I thought Bolt made it up! But no, it means confused. Which is me.

On a completely unrelated note (maybe one day we'll have a related one), January is altogether too long away.

What happens in January, you ask?

Well, there's the customary New Years' drinking party, if you're into that sort of thing and have high alcohol tolerance. Or perhaps the wonderfully irritating slush that accumulates on the side of the road. Or even the joy of scraping off your car windows each and every glorious morning.

While all of these are simply delightful, that's not what I'm excited for.

January is when White Collar comes back.

White Collar is amazing.

That is all.

Camp.

I spent today getting ready for camp. I leave tomorrow.



This proves that while procrastination is not a good idea, it can be worked around. I am all done with all my pre-camp tasks. Finally. And now I need to write and eat chocolate. We'll see where that goes.

But anyway, on the subject of camp. It sounds like it will be fun.

Pros:
We'll get to do all kinds of fun stuff.
My awesome buddies will be there!
I have lots of chocolate to eat while there.
It will give me a chance to get out of the house for a while.
We will have campfires.
My cute cousin is going for the first time, so we will see her.
There will be stargazing time.
I have awesome glowsticks.

Cons:
I am going to miss watching White Collar the night it airs.
I am going to have to wear sunblock. I hate sunblock.
There will likely be time spent in the lake. This one could go either way.
I don't know how much I'll see of my ... extra friend.
I am going to miss watching White Collar the night it airs.

So, there are definitely more pros. I'm super psyched for it, it'll be great fun. I won't be here all week, but I'm sure we'll have lots of ponderficating to do when I get back. See you then!

Greetings.

Welcome, travelers, to Planet Negative Zero. Planet Negative Zero jumps between the real world and a hypothetical plane of existence quite frequently. This hypothetical plane of existence is NOT to be confused with 27's hypothetical universe.

Planet Negative Zero is a nice place to be. It is good for thinking and ponderficating, a deeper form of thinking.

I hope you enjoy whatever time you are able to spend here, observing the natives.

Cheers.